A new widow friend shared that she had become afraid of everything. She feared making a bad decision, not being able to focus on something she was supposed to; of not pleasing her children with her thought processes and more, because for her, they were all a big part of her grieving process.
TRYING TO PLEASE EVERYONE
She found herself afraid to share any thoughts because they didn’t make sense to them. She began trying to work around any dissenting opinions and trying to explain why she did what she did and why it mattered.
I understand this because even with my own children there were (and still are) differing opinions, even on the timeline of grieving and when things should ‘properly be done’. They were also grieving and weren’t trying to be difficult; they just saw things from a different perspective and were worried I wasn’t thinking things through all the way. So I was offered tips and advice even when I wasn’t sure I needed it. Perhaps I did, but at the time that just made decision making even more difficult.
BELONGING TO GOD
As we offer our lives to God in new ways, we discover we are no longer performing for anyone else aside from Him. Reasonable service means “I belong to God.” This frees me from the need to chase approval of how or when that timeline is for me.
For me, it’s been in fits and spurts. I may take a week and really focus on what needs to be done and then I don’t touch anything —go through stuff, nor change a room around, or make any changes for a month. And then one morning I find I’m going through files I haven’t sorted for ten years, or clean our a drawer—finding things I’d forgotten we had.
Another widow commented on how frustrated she was as her children chide and rebuke her for going through ‘things’ that had been her husbands. ‘I didn’t give things away that meant anything to to him, really’, she explained. “It was just stuff,” But every time I make a trip with ‘things’ I feel like I’m going to get ‘caught and reprimanded’ by someone in the family.
HUMAN VALIDATION
But going through things can be difficult and not everyone is going to agree or understand why or how we choose to go about it. Widowhood exposes how fragile human validation is in our earthly world. I’ve discovered widowhood also reveals how steady God’s approval remains. It doesn’t mean we always get it right, but we know that we can rely on God to get us through when we’re honest with him about where we are. God loves us even when we fail or fall.
EACH JOURNEY IS UNIQUE
As widows, we don’t need to be ashamed of how we grieve and heal. Our journeys are unique, and we don’t have to defend every step along the way. Giving things away doesn’t mean we love our spouse less, it’s just a way to share a part of him with someone else who could use some of the things he no longer can.
SERVING
Sometimes even the way we choose to ‘serve’ can be questioned and even rebuked as being something we shouldn’t get involved with. But God’s got a plan for each of us. It’s not about sitting on the sofa and giving up on life. It’s about listening to what God is saying to us and what he wants us to do with the time we have left on this earth.
It might not be something dramatic and earth shattering, but we still have a life to live. Surrounding that life in what ever way God puts on your heart is the most important thing. I’ve found those ‘new found’ things help us heal. It can totally be a new direction or a rebirth of something given up long ago. God can use our pieces!
LEAVING A LEGACY
Reasonable service isn’t about performing perfect for God. It’s about offering ourselves to Him because we already belong to Him. Not flashy, or loud…but holy…. It’s about leaving a legacy of how God has built us up and carried us through.
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